Save Face & Keep Tight
by breakingafterall
Summary: First story on here! Sam's summer is being ruined by feelings she can't control. Seddie. T for language.
1. Chapter 1

My phone vibrated loudly next to my bed. I sat up and rubbed my eyes before reading it.

"Sam! There's a new bacon flavored smoothie at the Groovy Smoothie. Meet me and Freddie here now!" Carly. Oh Carly. We were best friends for a reason.

I rolled out of bed and looked at the time. 2 PM. I pulled on a pair of day old shorts, left on the tank top I'd slept in, and brushed my teeth. I wanted to run all the way to the Groovy Smoothie but it was just too hot. The heat was making me want to pass out. If only Mom ever drove me anywhere. But for the sake of bacon, I walked.

I pushed open the door and as the AC refreshed me, I shouted, "WHERE'S THE NEW SMOOTHIE?"

Freddie and Carly were sitting at our regular table, and both started laughing hysterically.

"What did you text her?" Freddie asked, "I can't believe it actually worked."

"There's no bacon smoothie, Sam. I just knew you'd never get your lazy butt out of bed if I didn't make something up."

"You lying bitch." I sat next to them, "What do you guys need?"

"It's about Wendy's birthday party. Do you think we should have it on iCarly, or the next day?" Freddie had a notepad in front of him, and was chewing on the end of his pen as he thought.

"We also need to get together a list of snacks and music," Carly added, "and a guest list."

"So why did you need me?" I slumped onto the table.

"It was your idea to have the party in the first place," she laughed, "Plus, you've been spending your entire summer sleeping. You barely come out with us anymore."

"I haven't only been sleeping." I groaned, "I've been catching up on my Fat Cakes."

"I can tell," Freddie poked the side of my stomach. I sent him a glare that I knew scared the living shit out of him. Carly didn't say anything. I knew I was putting on weight. Not a lot, but I sure didn't have a summer body like Carly had been working on. She looked good in a bikini. I stuck to board shorts, or just avoiding the beach with them at all costs.

As Carly and Freddie discussed her birthday more, I fiddled with my straw. It wasn't a bacon smoothie. It was a stupid Strawberry Splat. The bacon flavor could be like, Bacon Boom, Bash, Bang, or Blast. How the hell did they come up with cute flavor names? My intense thinking was interrupted when Freddie's cell phone rang. It was the Galaxy Wars theme.

"Oh my gosh," I giggled, "You are such a dork."

He started to get up as he listened to whoever was on the phone, then quickly said, "I gotta go, I'll come over later, Carly."

She nodded, and he left. He didn't even look at me. No "see you later, Sam." or "I'll stop by your place, Sam." I mean, seeing my mom wasn't exactly always nice, but she wasn't home half the time anyway. I wouldn't mind cleaning up the place a bit for them to come over, but they never even asked.

I looked over at Carly, "Soooooo…"

"What's been bothering you?" she snapped suddenly, "Tell me right now, Sam."

"What do you mean?" I laughed, "Nothing's been bothering me."

"You never come over, you never call or text me. You sleep all day, eat and watch TV all night. You've been really quiet, and you barely messed with Freddie. You're not acting yourself."

I shrugged. "Nothing's wrong."

"Sam, you know I really care about you. Please talk to me." She frowned, "Is it your mom? A guy? What?"

"It's not my mom." I laughed again, "I stopped giving a shit about her a long time ago."

I didn't want to tell her. I really didn't. It had to do with her, it had to do with Freddie. It would just ruin everything between all of us if I really opened up to her. But she was the only person in the world that I trusted and knew cared about me.

"So it's a guy?" Carly smirked, "We're best friends, you're not allowed to keep boy stuff away from me!"

"Carls, I really don't think this is the time and place to talk to you about it." I shifted in my seat uncomfortably, "I don't really know what's going on or how to explain it. It's weird."

I stared at her. She was perfect. Everything he wanted, and she didn't want him back. And there I was, dying to be her. I was never a jealous person. I was always proud of myself and confident with guys. All guys but Freddie.

She was staring straight back at me trying to figure everything out.

"It's nothing new, I mean, it's been like this for years…" So what made this summer any different, Sam? Why can't you hide it anymore?

"Wanna go back to my place? Spencer's not home. He's at some art convention." She stood up and put her bag on her shoulder, "Come on."

I stood up, too, and followed her. When we got inside, she headed for the kitchen, but I just collapsed on her couch. I missed it.

"Do you promise not to say anything or to laugh?" I sighed, "Or get mad?"

"I swear. Ankle shake." She sat next to my head.

"I don't feel like getting up but okay." I picked at the nail polish that was chipping off my fingers. "I'm completely gaga for a guy, but he's been in love with another girl for years." I didn't want her to know. Just the general idea would hopefully make me feel better and satisfy her curiosity.

"What's his name?" She asked, "Aw, Sam, why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Carly, this is the first time I've ever felt so envious that it makes me cry. And I don't cry often, you know that." I mumbled. I felt the tears coming. It was like I was pmsing for the past month straight, completely absorbed in my mind, daydreaming about Freddie and how badly I wished he loved me, not her. "I don't get what makes her so much better, Carly, I really don't. I'm just such a bitch, but I can't help but be a bitch to him."

"Sam, sit up." She said, "Look at me."

I sat up and looked at her like she said to. A tear rolled down my cheek. The only other time I'd cried in front of her was when we got in a fight, and when I had to get that stupid job at that chili place. "I don't know what else to say."

"What's his name, Sam? How long has this been going on?" Carly got me a box of tissues.

"I don't know, years? I've liked him for so long but he's always loved y- her, and I can't fucking control my feelings, and I don't know why it's completely overwhelming me this summer. I see the way he looks at her, and I wish he'd look at me that way."

I covered my face with my hands and sobbed. I'd been holding it in for so long. I didn't want her to be there when I finally let it all out, but she fucking was, and there was nothing I could do about it now. She was going to find out. I could never hate her or anything, I'd always love her more than ham, but what was so special about her?

"Years, Sam? And you never told me about him? What about Jonah and Freddie's techie friend that we were obsessed with? How come you told me about them but not this guy?" I could tell from her voice that she was slightly aggravated with me.

"You wouldn't understand, Carly. I can't tell you. I just can't." I wiped my eyes. Her door suddenly opened, and Freddie walked in. I looked up at him. I remembered the last time he walked in on me crying to Carly; I screamed at him until he left. But I just stared at him.

"Sam, are you okay?" He asked. I sniffled, stood up, and walked to the door.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Really fucking fine, Freddie." I slammed the door shut and ran down the hall as fast as I could. I'm not a fucking crybaby. I kept telling myself that as I ran, until the tears stopped. I found myself home, slamming my bedroom door shut, collapsed on my bed, crying into the pillow.

Don't cry. Stop crying. He's stupid. He's just stupid.

She's beautiful. She's smart. She's nice. She's funny. She's cute. She's charming. She's so fucking perfect.

He's not stupid, I'm stupid.

The thoughts echoed through my mind over and over, until I fell asleep. I don't know how long I slept. Mom never came to check on me. She probably never even came home. I didn't really care anymore. I never really cared.


	2. Chapter 2

I finally got out of bed when my phone wouldn't stop ringing. I'd been ignoring calls and texts the entire time, but this person wouldn't give up. I pulled my phone from the charger's wire, and opened it.

"What!" I groaned.

"Sam?" It was Freddie. "Sam, we have an iCarly rehearsal tonight."

"Is that all you fucking call me for? Fucking iCarly? Never, hey Sam, how have you fucking been?" I hung up on him. Maybe I was just grouchy. Yep. I crawled out of bed. I noticed the nice blood stain in my favorite pajama shorts. At least I wouldn't cry anymore. Pmsing was finally done. I grabbed a pair of shorts, panties, bra, and t-shirt, then got in the shower. I rinsed myself off, and just stood there letting the water beat my face. I got out, tied my hair in a ponytail, and then searched the bathroom for tampons.

By the time I was done getting ready, my phone was ringing again. Carly.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Are you coming to rehearsal? Where have you been the past couple days? I thought after opening up to me, you'd come around again."

"I'll be there in a couple minutes. Bye." I hung up. I stared at myself in the mirror. My bangs were more fucked up than ever. My pony tail was messy. Summer just isn't the season for curly hair.

I grabbed a bag of barbecue chips and ate them on my way to Carly's. I didn't even know what time it was. My sleeping schedule was getting worse every night. I knocked on her door, then pushed it open. Freddie was sitting at her kitchen table, and she was pouring herself a cup of iced tea.

"Sam's finally here." Freddie rolled his eyes at me. My jaw nearly dropped at how much of an ignorant asshole he was being. I mean, I could understand that he's so in love with her but he's said it countless times that he considers me a close friend. He saw me crying.. And didn't do anything.

"Yep, I'm here." I sat at the table with him, finishing my chips.

"Okay, so we really need to get ideas together for what we're starting with." Carly sat, too, and sipped her tea. "Do you think it'd be better to start with the sea monster bit or the paintballs and Gibby?"

"I think Gibby, because then he'll have time to wash up after." Freddie suggested. I scrunched my eyebrows. I didn't really have an answer for Carly. I really didn't give a shit what we started with.

"What do you think, Sam?" Carly asked.

"Uh," I looked at her, "uh."

"She doesn't even know what we're talking about. Maybe if she ever answered her phone, or came to rehearsal on time, she'd know." Freddie snapped.

"Why are you being such a dick to me lately, asshole?" I stood up, "What the fuck have I ever done to you?"

"Sam, you've been a bitch to me since the day we met, years ago. You just can't control yourself." He laughed.

"Yeah." I stared at him. I felt defenseless. I was losing myself. For the first time ever, I had no idea how to get back at him. "You're a fucking loser!" I spat it out like it was a good comeback. It wasn't. It was irrelevant and stupid.

You're stronger than this, Sam. What the fuck are you doing? I was talking to myself in my head. I looked at Carly.

"Carly, you're really the luckiest girl in the world." I shrugged, and made my way to the door. She knew now. I could see it in her eyes when I looked at her. It was a repeat of the other day. Running down the hall crying. No one even stopped me.

This time, though, it was only a couple hours before Carly was calling me nonstop. I answered. I hugged my pillow to my chest as I mumbled, "hey."

"Sam…" She sighed, "I had no idea…"

"Yeah, I know." I laughed quietly, "but you do now."

"I'm so sorry." She whispered, "Can I tell you something though?"

"Sure," I got up and got a tub of ice cream from the freezer. I started eating it in bed as she talked.

"After you left, Freddie was like speechless. You should have seen him. He knew something wasn't right. He was so freaked out that you actually got so mad that you left. He asked me what was going on with you. I didn't tell him, don't worry. But I asked him if he still liked me. And he said no. Sam, he said no."

"He's probably just lying."

"I don't think so. Remember when we were younger, he'd always make little comments about how he loved me? He doesn't do that anymore. Now he stands up to you, too. And one time he was like, 'You know they say that when people are mean to other people, it really means they love you' or something? And, he was mean to you!"

I laughed, "You're way too optimistic. It's going to fuck you over one day."

"Ah, Sam, Spencer just got home, I'm going to help him with a sculpture, but I'll be online so we can talk there, okay?"

"Alright. Thanks Carly. Bye."

"That's what best friends are for. Bye." She hung up. I went into my mom's room and went on her computer. Talking to Carly online would be better than watching TV for hours. There were beer bottles all over her room. At least I didn't take care of my problems like she did.

I stopped answering Carly as I began to stalk Freddie's blog. Not his iCarly blog- his personal blog. Not a lot of people knew about it. Carly did, and I found it in her bookmarks once. Latest entry? A couple days ago. I read.

"She still doesn't see me the way I see her. She's the most beautiful and amazing girl ever. I can't believe her of all people actually gets me so emotional like this. I just wish she loved me the way I love her."

It was short. It was simple. But it was enough to let me know that he lied to Carly. I sent Carly the link, then logged off. I could easily crawl back in bed with my ice cream, but I went for a walk.

Somehow it was already getting dark. I passed by Bushwell Plaza, the high school, and found myself in the park. I laid on a bench and looked up at the stars.

"…Sam?" I heard someone say. I looked.

"Freddie?" My heart raced. I wasn't in the mood at all. This was supposed to be a relaxing walk. I had no idea what to do or say. I wasn't in the mood to bitch at him, but I sure as hell wasn't in the mood to be nice either.

"Can I sit?" He asked. I sat up, and he sat next to me. "Do you want to talk?"

"No." I looked in the other direction.

"Sam, look at me." He grabbed my face and held it so I was facing him. I didn't have any strength to pull away. I stared into his eyes. "I know you hate me, Sam. But I don't hate you. I care about you so much. You're always going to be one of my best friends."

I felt my cheeks get hot. "Why have you been being so mean to me lately? You've been ignoring me, too."

"That's how you treat me, isn't it?" He let go of me. "I guess I've just been dying to give you a taste of your own medicine."

"You're… such a fag, Freddie." I let my head fall on his shoulder. It wasn't the first time I'd done it. But for the first time ever, he put his arm around me and pulled me close.

"What's going on, Sam." His head leaned against mine, "Remember that time you came to me about Missy, and I wasn't there for you? I felt horrible about that. But now, I'm here, and I want you to open up to me."

"Me and you have had some pretty good times," I giggled softly, "Remember when we had to share that locker?"

"And the time you tricked me into building you that website."

"How about that time I read that entire book, just because you didn't think I could?" I tilted my head up so I could see his face. He smiled at me.

"Remember our food fight when we were making cake for Carly's birthday party last year?"

"And I walked in on you shirtless in the bathroom, trying to get cake batter off your chest- your chest with one hair."

"I can't believe you pinned me against the sink to count the hairs." He laughed.

"It was just natural curiosity!" I laughed, too.

"Remember…" he faced me, "when we… did this?"

My eyes went wide as his lips pressed against mine. What is this. What is this. What's going on. I was panicking inside instead of enjoying the moment.

"Freddie, what are you doing!" I pushed him away.

"I'm sorry! Don't kill me, please!" He put his arms up to shield himself. I felt myself shiver. If I didn't have my period, I'd be able to control my emotions. I'd be able to curse him out and call him an idiot. But instead, tears poured from my eyes, completely silent tears, streaming down my cheeks. He stared at me, dumbfounded.

"I'm not gonna kill you, stupid." I wiped my tears, but that didn't stop them from coming.

"Why are you crying?" He kept his distanced, but showed his concern, "What's wrong, Sam?"

"Why did you kiss me?" I laughed, "Are you blind?"

"Blind?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, blind. Maybe you didn't realize I'm Sam. Maybe you thought I'm Carly."

"No, I just see Sam Puckett, sitting in front of me, crying her eyes out. And I want to know why." One of his hands touched one of mine. Whether it was on purpose or not, it made my heart speed up.

I could easily say it. I love you. I love you Freddie Benson. I'm completely in love with you. I want to be yours. I want you to kiss me again.

"At least stop crying," Freddie touched my cheek, wiping my tears. I sniffled loudly. I felt like a daffodil again, completely vulnerable. He could tell. He pulled me into a hug, rocking me back and forth and whispering "sh" in my ear. I'd never felt comfort before- not from Mom, any family member, not even Carly. Sure, she listened to me, but she never held me and petted my hair like a damn cat.

"Why are you even here?" I mumbled.

"I needed to think about things." He held me loosely, running his fingers through my hair, staring into my eyes, "you?"

"Same." I shrugged, "…can you do that thing again, where you were holding me close and moving back and forth and whispering to me?"

He smiled, pulling me back into a tight embrace.

Before I knew it, I was asleep. He lifted me and carried me all the way to Bushwell Plaza. He brought me into his apartment, laid me in his bed, and locked his bedroom door. I opened my eyes slowly.

"Where are we?" I mumbled.

"You're in my bed. Sh, don't wake my mom. She'll kill me if she finds out I brought you in here." He took off his shirt and jeans carelessly, "Do you want a pair of pajama pants to sleep in?"

"Freddie," I laughed, "You're half naked, asking me if I want a pair of your pants, and letting me sleep with you, in your bed?"

"Sam, you're exhausted. I can tell. I'm not letting you walk all the way back home. I'll sleep on the floor. I'm not doing this to get in your pants, you know I'm not like that. I care about you. You're my best friend."

Somehow, it was starting to hurt every time he called me best friend.

"Gimme a pair of pants." I forced a smile. I went in his bathroom to change. I crawled back into his bed in his pants, which somehow fit, and my tank top. I wrapped the blankets around me.

"I don't have another blanket." He mumbled sheepishly, "If you let me sleep with you, I promise, I won't do anything."

"Get in." I moved over so he could lay next to me. Somehow, none of this felt weird. I'd been dying for this for so long. He was being so caring.

"Will you… tell me what's going on?" He smiled at me, "I thought you'd have killed me by now."

"Nah," I rubbed my face against the pillow, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," he blinked a few times quickly. I could tell he was getting sleepy.

"You know your blog?" I started, "Was that… about Carly?"

He stared at me, almost nervously, "It wasn't."

"…Who was it about then?" I mumbled softly. One of his hands touched my waist. I tried not to flinch. He pulled me against him. Not in a sexual way, more of like, he just wanted me near him. I liked it.

"Why are both you and Carly so curious about me today?" I closed my eyes as his fingers ran through my hair again.

"That feels really nice…" I whispered.

"Are you… going to tell me…?" He whispered back. Both of us were half asleep. I cuddled against his chest, and listened to his heartbeat.

"Not…now…"

I fell asleep. I, Sam Puckett, fell asleep in Freddie Benson's arms.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up the next morning and stretched. Freddie was waking up next to me. I stared at him as his eyes flickered open.

"Good morning, Sam." He smiled at me, "How'd you sleep?"

"Good," I smiled back, "How about y-"

There was a loud knock at the door.

"FREDWARD BENSON, OPEN THIS DOOR THIS INSTANT." Mrs. Benson shouted, ready to break the door down.

"Oh, gosh, Sam, get up, hurry, hide in the bathroom!" Freddie pulled me out of bed. I ran to his bathroom and listened to their conversation.

"Why was your door locked?" She said, in that stupid tone that aggravated me to death, "What are you hiding from me, Freddie!"

"Nothing, Mom." Freddie replied calmly. I don't know how he could deal with her.

"…Alright. Well, I'm going to the market to pick up some food and your medicine. Stay here, no going over to that Carly Shay's apartment. Do you hear me Freddie? And stay away from that Sam."

I chuckled to myself.

"Got it, Mom." I waited until I heard him close his bedroom door. "You can come out now, Sam."

I took one step out and nearly fell over when Freddie's door flew open again, "And one more thing-" I dove to the floor and Freddie stepped in front of me, covering whatever view of me he could, "don't forget to take a shower and put extra conditioner in your hair. It's been feeling dehydrated lately."

"Yeah, Mom, I know." He mumbled nervously. She closed the door, "How did she not see you?"

"I don't know, but go lock that damn door, please." I stood up and dusted myself off. "What medicine do you take?"

"You mean, what medicine DON'T I take." He laughed, locking the door, and falling onto his bed. I laughed, too, and laid next to him.

"Thanks for letting me stay over, Freddifer. I appreciate it." I pulled the blankets over myself.

"Are you ever going to tell me what's been up lately?" He looked over to me, "You're still not acting yourself."

"Are you ever going to tell me who you're madly in love with, that apparently isn't Carly?" I looked back at him, trying to keep myself together. If I got nervous and let my cheeks flush, I'd give myself away.

"Probably not." He smiled, "Don't you feel like we're back in middle school, asking me about this kind of stuff?"

"Well, if we're such close best friends, I don't see why you can't tell me." I scrunched my nose. Then it hit me. "Freddie I have a problem!"

"I know that. That's what I'm trying to get you to tell me."

"No, I mean, a different problem!" I got out of the bed quickly and looked down. "Thank god for super tampons."

"Oh, no, Sam, you need a tampon?" Freddie slapped his face, "I'm not raiding my mom's bathroom."

"Yes, you are. Get up, and help me find her tampons." I dragged him to her bathroom and we both stared. "It's really neat, this shouldn't be hard."

"This is so gross," Freddie groaned, opening drawers and going through her closet.

I opened the cabinet under her sink, "looky what I found, Freddo." I held up a long, pink vibrator, dying of laughter. The look on Freddie's face was beautiful.

"SAM, YOU'RE FINDING TAMPONS BY YOURSELF." He stormed out of the bathroom, and I grabbed the box of tampons sitting next to her vibrator. I took one out, closed the door, did my business, and then joined Freddie in his kitchen.

"Make me breakfast." I sat at the table.

"I have cinnamon raisin bread I can toast for you." He mumbled, "but that's about the only thing in my kitchen that tastes good."

"That's fine." I watched him as he put the bread in the toaster, got butter from his fridge, and a plate from the cabinet.

Considering he kissed me the night before, I couldn't help but hope that maybe he was in love with me. Me, of all people. Or Carly told him, and he was just trying to get it in all night. But he didn't, did he? He didn't even make a move. At all. He was in a bed, with me, all night, and didn't even grab my ass.

He put the plate in front of me, and I nearly swallowed the toast whole. I was starving. He stared at me, "That was fast."

"I haven't eaten in a while," I laughed, "I think the last thing I had was a bag of chips for breakfast… or lunch… or whatever, yesterday. Or that ice cream. Or was that the day before…"

"You haven't been sleeping well, have you?" He sat at the table with me.

"No." I shrugged, "All the days have been blurring into one. I never know what time it is. I don't really have meals, just snacks. That's why I'm getting fatter."

"You're not fat, Sam. You're perfect." He said reassuringly, "Well, right now, it's 10 AM, and you're going to promise me you'll start sleeping at normal hours."

No, Carly's perfect. I tried to get the thought out of my head, but I couldn't. I was gazing at him like a deer in headlights, just thinking it over and over- No, Carly's perfect.

"Sam? Promise?" He repeated, snapping me out of it.

"Yeah. I'll try." I forced a smile. As immature as it all was, I couldn't bring myself to open up to him. That stupid 'what if' was holding me back. What if it isn't me? What if it's some girl I've never even met? What if it's some girl I know, that I hate?

"What are you thinking about?" Freddie snapped his fingers in front of my face, "Stop spacing out. It's freaky."

"Huh?" I looked over at him, "Sorry."

"Sam, come on, you never apologize…" his voice trailed off, "What's going on?"

"I'm not fucking telling you, okay?" I stood up, and made my way to his apartment door. "I'll see you later."

"Sam, don't leave," he grabbed my arm, "please, don't leave."

"I don't want your mom to catch me here." I opened the door, and debated whether to knock on Carly's door, or leave. That's when Spencer opened their door, and stared at Freddie and I. Me, in Freddie's Galaxy Wars pants, Freddie shirtless, and his hand on my arm.

"Uh," Spencer looked at me, then Freddie, then back at me, "Should I be concerned…?"

"Not really." I mumbled.

"Remember, safe sex is the best sex!" He gave us a thumbs up nervously.

"You really think Freddie could ever get laid, especially by me?" I shook my head, "Can I use your shower?"

"Sure. Carly's in the studio I think, if you want to borrow clothes or something." Spencer let me into their apartment. I avoided seeing Carly, snuck into her room, grabbed some clothes, then got in their shower. After getting dressed, I left. I didn't feel like seeing Carly. I wasn't mad at her, I just didn't feel like it.

As I was walking along the sidewalk, I heard familiar voices behind me. I turned around, saw Freddie and Spencer walking together, and immediately hid behind a tree. As they passed by, I noticed they were walking in the direction of the park.

"Stalking people isn't creepy if you know them… right?" I began following them, just close enough to hear what they were saying, but not too close. As Spencer and Freddie sat down on the bench Freddie and I had shared our moment on the previous night, I ducked behind a bush right behind the bench.

"You know I've always supported you and Sam, right, kiddo?" Spencer began, "But, I really don't think I can approve of you two having sex already… You're still pretty young, you know?"

"Spencer, we're not having sex. Nothing's going on between us. She just stayed over." Freddie sighed. "Can I talk to you, though?"

"Sure."

"I can't talk to my mom about things, and I don't have a dad to talk to, so…"

"Freddie, it's fine. I'm always here for you." Spencer messed up his hair, "What's on your mind?"

"Something's been bothering Sam, and I don't know what it is. She won't tell me. I want to help her so bad, I really care about her." Freddie shook his head, "I was just holding her all night. It was so amazing."

"Carly told me something was going on," he laughed, "It's nothing new, dummy."

"You mean she's been upset over this for a while?"

"Years, kid. Tell me- Are you still into Carly?"

I wanted to laugh. Freddie was probably getting very sick of that question.

"No, I'm not. No offense to you, or her, or anything, I just realized that I wasn't ever really in love with her. She was just my first and only friend that was a girl. I've grown up, and now I know it was just a crush." Freddie groaned, "After all the things I've been through, I really, really believe I know what love is now."

Spencer looked at him, "Look, I've seen this coming. I watched you guys all grow up together. Don't you realize how in love with you Sam is?"

I saw Freddie freeze up. He stuttered as he spoke, "What are you talking about?"

"You guys are acting like you're 10!" Spencer shouted, "Wake up, smell the coffee!"

"Smell what coffee?" Freddie let his face fall into his hands, "Sam doesn't love me, she hates me. She even pushed me away when I kissed her last night."

"She thinks you still love Carly, dumbass!" Spencer shook Freddie, "You're both being idiots!"

"I told her I don't love Carly anymore, though! I told Carly I don't love her anymore! Now, I'm telling you I don't love Carly anymore! I love Sam! Okay? I've loved her for so long."

"I know." Spencer laughed, "Just tell her, Freddie. She loves you too. Don't be afraid."

"How can I not be afraid?" he threw his hands in the air, "If she doesn't, she'll never let me live it down. She'll make fun of me, hurt me, everything."

"Freddie, I thought you were a smart boy." Spencer stood up and shook his head. "I gave you my advice, but do whatever you want."

I watched Spencer walk away, and Freddie sit on that bench. I came out from behind the bush, sat next to it, and stared at the back of Freddie's head. He sat on that bench looking up at the clouds for at least an hour, and I stupidly sat there on the grass behind him, as if joining him. Except, he didn't know I was there. I wanted to just get up, sit next to him, and let my head fall on his shoulder like the night before. I wanted him to hug me and hold me and tell me I'm perfect.

He loved me. I loved him. Grow some balls, Sam. No. He stood up, and started walking away. And what did I do? I sat there and watched him. I walked home.


	4. Chapter 4

Just like I promised, I went to sleep at a normal time that night. 10. I woke up at a normal time. 9. I took a shower, got dressed, and stared at myself in the mirror. Suddenly caring so much about my appearance was killing me. I didn't understand why I needed to care, apparently he loves me already. I remembered all the makeup lessons Carly gave me though, and girlified my face. It made me feel better. I walked to Carly's apartment to help her set up for Wendy's party. She had texted me saying that the party was going to be that night, and her and Freddie took care of things. I appreciated her not forcing me to do things I didn't want to- she knew I probably wouldn't do anything anyway, even if she asked me to.

When I walked in, I saw Spencer sitting on the couch, watching TV and drinking soda. "Hey Sam."

"Hey Spencer." I sat next to him, "Where's Carly?"

"She's at Party City getting some balloons and stuff."

"And Freddie?"

He looked at me and smiled slightly, "he's still at his place. Did you put on makeup?"

"Yeah, I did. Does it look bad?" I frowned, "Shit, fuck, it looks like crap doesn't it?"

"No, you look great. Freddie will love it." He laughed, "Want anything to drink?"

"Um, no." I felt my cheeks get hot, then I heard a knock at the door. "Is that Freddie?"

"I don't know, go answer it." A huge smile played on his face, "What's gotten into you suddenly? You're not acting yourself."

"I am so sick of hearing that, I have my damn period, okay?" I shoved him lightly, then stood up to get the door. I opened it and Freddie and I froze, staring at each other.

"Hey, Sam." He mumbled.

"Hi Fredwich." I smiled, "Whatcha got there, some… streamers?"

"Yeah. Carly asked me to bring them over. Is she here?"

"Nope." I shrugged, "Are you gonna leave now… because she's not here?"

"No, I'll stay, and wait for her to get back." He walked past me and sat next to Spencer. Spencer nudged him a couple times, then walked to his room.

We stared at each other again.

"Sam, I need to tell you something," he began, "It's important."

My heart raced. "Um, okay."

Then Carly walked in, "Oh, hi guys!"

Freddie cringed, "hey Carly."

"Hey Carls." I mumbled, "Got balloons?"

"Yup, and pretty napkins, plates, forks, knives, spoons, cups, and confetti!" She chirped, "Let's start decorating!"

The three of us decorated the entire apartment. I blew up a few balloons, Carly hung up the streamers, and Freddie started pouring the chips into bowls. Spencer came out and helped me get a pizza ready for the oven.

Gibby rang the doorbell, and Freddie let him in, along with Tasha. Gibby had made a play list on his Pear Pod for the party after doing some research in Wendy's taste in music.

"Okay, guys, everyone else will start showing up in about an hour, and Wendy will be coming here in about two hours because she thinks I'm going to give her some props for an upcoming iCarly bit." Carly said, "someone needs to pick up the cake from the bakery!"

"I'll go!" Freddie and I both shouted at once. I said it because I wanted to get away from him. I could only assume he did the same.

"Alright, you can both go." Carly motioned for us to leave the apartment. I groaned, following him outside.

"So… what'd you want to tell me before?" I asked, knowing what it was already. I was nervous. But we had to get this over with. It was killing me inside.

"Uh, never mind. Nothing." He smiled at me. The most fake smile I'd ever seen.

"Oh." I mumbled, as we walked down the street. "Okay."

He could tell something was even more up with me than the day before, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I returned a fake smile.

It was silent most of the entire walk to the bakery and back. Right outside of Carly's apartment, I stopped walking. He looked back at me before opening the door.

"Are you coming inside…?" He asked, confused.

"Yeah." I held the cake in my hands awkwardly, "Look, Freddie, I overheard you and Spencer talking yesterday at the park."

Freddie stared at me. He didn't say anything, and I couldn't read his expression. It was completely blank. He didn't ask any questions, he didn't admit to loving me. He just stared. I stared right back, with not a clue what to say. I wished I could just take it all back.

Carly opened the door, "Oh you guys are back, come on inside. Wendy will be here soon."

Freddie walked right inside. I nearly dropped the cake. I wasn't sure if that was like, rejection, or shock. I followed him inside, put the cake on the kitchen table, and looked around the apartment full of people to find him. He'd disappeared so quickly. I leaned against the wall eating potato chips until Wendy got there.

When she came in, everyone shouted "Surprise!" and she was super shocked. It reminded me of when they threw me a birthday party. As everyone crowded around Wendy, I stayed against the wall. Gibby started blasting music and everyone started dancing. I walked upstairs. I sat down in one of the beanbags and closed my eyes. I listened to the music, relaxing, getting my thoughts together.

"Sam." Freddie, of course, was in the back of the studio, and now walking up to me.

"Ugh," I smacked my own head, "I came up here to try to forget about us."

"So did I." He laughed, "Get up." He grabbed my hand and pulled me up, then put his hands on my waist. "This is your favorite song."

I listened closer. It was. "Yes." I put my arms around his neck loosely, then rested my head on his shoulder as we began to slow dance.

"So what did you overhear us talking about?" He asked.

"…about how much we're in love, and stuff." I whispered. He laughed.

"So it's true?" He played with my hair a bit, "I didn't believe him."

"Mhm." I pulled him into a hug.

"I love you, Sam." He said, "A lot."

"I love you too, Fredweird." I looked into his eyes and melted. He leaned in to kiss me, and I closed my eyes as our lips touched.

"You're going to need to make up some different nicknames for me now, you know." He touched my cheek, kissing me again.

"But I like calling you Freddork and Freddifer and stuff. Freddiebear just doesn't sound right. Wait. Nevermind… It does. It's like teddy bear… But Freddiebear. That's even better than Freducation and Freddie-o, and Fredduccini." I hugged him tighter than I ever had before, "I love you so much."

"Do you feel better now?" He asked.

"A lot better." I laughed.

He took my hand, "come on." He lead me down the stairs, through the crowd of people, and into the hall. He opened his apartment's door, looked around for his mom, then brought me to his room.

"What are you doing?" I asked, watching him walk over to his bed.

"It felt really nice to hold you the other night. So I figure now that we've told each other how we feel, it'll feel even better. You don't have to, if you don't want to…" He shrugged. I ran up to him and hugged him, and we fell into his bed. He kissed me passionately as I wrapped my arms around him, his hands running up and down my back. We stopped kissing, gazed into each others eyes, and I suddenly felt sleepy.

"This does feel nice." I said, resting my head on his chest. "Can I sleep over more often?"

"Any time you want." He kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and he pulled the blanket over us.

"Will you be my Freddiebear forever?" I asked.

"Forever and ever, Sam." He smiled.


End file.
